Fulbright finished.

My Fulbright grant is officially over.

There's a lot to process. But I am so tired; emotionally and physically exhausted.

At debrief they told us it takes returning ETAs a minimum of 3 months to feel normal again upon finishing the grant period. For some people, it takes a year. For others, they never feel normal again. What does normal even mean now? Do I want to feel normal again?

I know I've changed a lot over the past year, but I'm not sure quite how yet. I am nervous (and also really excited) to re-enter life with friends and family from pre-Fulbright. I'm trying to figure out how to answer the inevitable unanswerable question: "So, how was Malaysia?". As if anyone can sum up a significant year of their life in a few simple sentences that honestly answer the question but don't drag the other party into a black hole of things they don't care about that make them wish they never tried to make small talk with you in the first place. So far I've got: It was good, bad, easy, hard, exciting, boring, rewarding, frustrating, hot, lonely, social, full of noodles and rice and ikon bills, and a year that was sprinkled with some of the most challenging days/weeks/months of my life but an experience that I will undoubtedly remember fondly. How's that for a clear, concise answer? Not great, I know. I'll work on it.

With some of my state-mates representing our state of Sarawak
at the Fulbright ETA showcase in Kuala Lumpur. I'm wearing
a ngepan, the traditional Iban dress from my region of Sarawak.